So for the past few weeks I’ve discovered feeling jittery when I eat oatmeal or raisin bran for breakfast – about 90 minutes to 2 hours after I eat. It began with my crappy breakfasts… Chex Mix and Dr. Pepper and I thought… Oh no! Soda is finally doing bad things to me. But then it happened with raisin bran (the good kind – Kellogg’s so you get 2 scoops of raisins and a spoonful of sugar to help the bran go down easier), and worse…. with just oatmeal. I don’t drink juice as most I dislike (grape juice, all I like is Welch’s Grape Juice… the deep purple kind that stains).
So it’s funny when one does the Google Search medical diagnosis as it was the oatmeal search that got me “feeling jittery after breakfast” instead of after drinking soda or what have you, that made me realize my reality of diabetes is coming true.
Top it off 2 days later when I realized my doctor forgot to fill out the fasting blood sugar line on a paper that had to be faxed to the insurance company and I realized without a doubt that I am in the realm of pre-diabetes.
So here it is after a Friday filled with nothing but junk that I am feeling horribly guilty and just sick to my stomach about how awful I ate and I realize that this isn’t going to help me, drinking the Polar Pop may have helped keep me awake at work this afternoon but there has to be another way. I need to start eating better. I need to start losing weight.
Getting on the scale on Tuesday and gaining 1.4 pounds did not help. It didn’t matter that in my head I knew girly things were happening and it was most likely the reason for my gain… IT DIDN”T MATTER.
But it has to matter. I have to be able to take the good with the bad and stay focused. It’s so hard to stay focused, though.
I had to prick my fingers when I was pregnant as I had gestational diabetes with both of my kids. Oddly my second child turns 10 this year. 10 years later is when it normally happens.
So now the search begins to find a better diet so I don’t have to prick my fingers. I need to eat right and lose weight and exercise and stop stressing over things and get in control of my life. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see because the me in my head is a strong, non-chunky person… I hate the big belly I had (I never had a belly until I had kids – was always a hips and thighs person). I hate the sloppy mess I have become because no matter what I wear I seem to always look unkempt and it drives me crazy.
There are just so many things I am unhappy about in my life right now… but I can only do 1 thing at a time. It’s presently 9:17pm on Friday night. Tomorrow, Saturday, is a new day. Tomorrow I will start off with a better attitude, a better way of eating, and a better way seeing the world.
I have too… my sanity depends on it. And I need to be a better example for my son, he is getting a belly and that needs to change as well. Granted it’s just my upper body – I’ll try to get a full body picture tomorrow, but here is me today –
The other is facing marital problems. I need to stand up for myself (and tell hubby just how miserable I am) it’s just getting the courage to tell him things need to change there too.
Aren’t you glad you aren’t me?