Finding My Motivation


So a month or more ago I made a huge declaration to the world.  I shared my weight and how I was going to transform myself.


Then my husband lost his job and all my optimism went out the door.

Trouble is I have since found out my sister is considering bariatric surgery.  It’s odd how this makes me feel.  I honestly hope she is able to do what it takes to follow the plan one needs to follow when they undergo this surgery (my one friend had the surgery years ago and she didn’t follow through in the long run and she is essentially back to the weight she was at when she began it all).

My sister has never been one to stick to any kind of diet, eating program or whatever the current politically correct statement for eating right is today.  She presently weighs  probably somewhere between 275 and 300 pounds and has been that way for a really long time.

The sad part is growing up my sister only ever really had 2 goals – to get married (which she has done twice) and have kids (which she doesn’t have any).  Doctors told her in her late thirties if she wanted to have children she needed to lose weight.  But she still wasn’t able to follow through on any sort of plan to do this.

She blames her many health problems (primarily all weight related – PCOS, Diabetes)  as why she can’t lose weight.  But at the same time if she did follow through and start losing weight, some of these problems could very well be eliminated (I do know that I am more than likely over-simplifying this, weight loss has been an ongoing ordeal for my sister since she was in elementary and junior high school.  My mom would have her do all sorts of exercise only to then find packages of Oreos hidden in the top drawer of her dresser).

So now she is going to have surgery to correct her weight loss problems.  I think it’s great.  And if she can follow through on what she needs to do, I support her 100%.

But for me there is a bigger problem.  I need to lose weight.  Yes, you out there and myself know I weigh more than I should.  But I’ve never weighed more than my sister so if she does this, I HAVE to lose weight.

If you haven’t guessed yet, I am extremely competitive with my sister.  I really don’t know why it’s just how it has always been.  As the little sister I always looked up to her.  She was already in school when I was born as we are 5 years apart.  So as she began learning things I wanted to do them too.  Only she didn’t view it as “look she wants to be like me” she turned it into an “oh gosh she is smarter than me” and well, I just went along for the ride.

She never realized that she had her own strengths, she was the original writer in the family and that was her place in the world.  We both fared the same in Math (we were “okay”) but my world was history and it was not her subject at all.

Not long ago she made a comment to me that from an early age I was determined to be smarter than her and that’s exactly what I did.  My sister got good grades, I just wanted to be better, I started doing this at 5 – I really don’t see how it was so deceptive of me – but apparently it was (really, I don’t think it was).  And so the competition began.

But as a person who needs a reason to lose weight – I may have found the motivation I need (besides the “I need to lose weight to be a healthier me because I don’t want to get diabetes”.  Yes, I know I need to lose weight to be a healthier me, but face it, it’s not the kind of motivation that is going to make me get up and exercise on a daily basis if I don’t feel like doing it). But the possibility of my sister weighing less than me… that is some strong motivation.

So go ahead, tell me I am slime for using this to better myself.  Part of me knows I am a horrible human being to do this, but if it makes me a healthier person, is it really that bad?

I lost 35 pounds 5 years ago because I thought I was going to see my ex-boyfriend from high school at my 20th reunion.  He didn’t go but at least I had the satisfaction of knowing I looked good if he would have shown up.

Let me know your thoughts… and by all means, be honest if you think I’m am the slime on the back of a slug on the log in the bottom of the sea.


3 thoughts on “Finding My Motivation

  1. cahall63 says:

    I think you are a normal woman carrying around a lot of junk (emotionally and physically), and I think you are pretty awesome for sharing it with us!

    I have sister and weight issues too, but they are different from yours.

    I need to lose weight badly myself. Yeah, I keep saying that. I quit smoking about 15 years ago, and the pounds just piled on.The weight issues were already there; the smoking just kept them at bay.

    I already have diabetes and some other weight related health problems. In a few weeks, I’m going to have surgery to remove and bone spur and part of my Achilles tendon from my right foot. Doc says no weight bearing for at least three months. Looks like cardio is out for awhile. I had started doing Zumba with my 16 year old daughter, but the foot put an end to that. I shudder to think how much weight this is going to put on me!

    I can stay motivated for awhile, but then I just get bored with it, and the weight comes right back. Weight Watchers works. I know because I lost 30 lbs on it…twice…yeah the same 30 lbs. 🙂 I absolutely understand needing something outside myself to keep up motivation. Saying I understand doesn’t make it right though. We need to find motivation from inside…If I figure it out, I’ll let you know! 🙂

    My half sister (the only blood sibling I have) is 8 years younger than me. She is tall (5’10”) with blonde hair and blue eyes. I am 5’1″ with dark hair and eyes. She has weight issues too, but she can weigh 200 lbs and look a little chunky: I weigh 200, and look like Jabba the Hut.

    She loves me and I love her, but we know that we have pretty much nothing in common. She says that when I was already grown and gone, and she was in school, I was thrown in her face. “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” (I was the “good kid”). She came out of a 20 year meth addiction with skin and teeth intact (Ok, yeah, we all know that was a God thing).

    I guess what I really want to say is I kind of understand where you are coming from, and I don’t think you are terrible at all. I do think you need to work through your junk though.

    Hang in there!


    • Becky says:

      I will try to work through liking me – I just thought I needed a competitive reason for doing things.

      Your foot surgery – here is a link to – it’s the website I used to lose weight. You can track your exercise and food on it and they even send you daily emails to help motivate you. But one of the articles I remembered reading a long time ago (and used myself when my ankles bothered me – I fell down steps at a former place of employment – and so I now have ankle issues from time to time. Here is the link to some exercises you can do sitting down – it may come in handy for you while you are recuperating.

      Tomorrow I’m going to try to find some books to help me with a better mindset about myself – and I’m going to start over with my whole weight loss journey. Good luck to you!

      Liked by 1 person

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