So a month or more ago I made a huge declaration to the world. I shared my weight and how I was going to transform myself.
Then my husband lost his job and all my optimism went out the door.
Trouble is I have since found out my sister is considering bariatric surgery. It’s odd how this makes me feel. I honestly hope she is able to do what it takes to follow the plan one needs to follow when they undergo this surgery (my one friend had the surgery years ago and she didn’t follow through in the long run and she is essentially back to the weight she was at when she began it all).
My sister has never been one to stick to any kind of diet, eating program or whatever the current politically correct statement for eating right is today. She presently weighs probably somewhere between 275 and 300 pounds and has been that way for a really long time.
The sad part is growing up my sister only ever really had 2 goals – to get married (which she has done twice) and have kids (which she doesn’t have any). Doctors told her in her late thirties if she wanted to have children she needed to lose weight. But she still wasn’t able to follow through on any sort of plan to do this.
She blames her many health problems (primarily all weight related – PCOS, Diabetes) as why she can’t lose weight. But at the same time if she did follow through and start losing weight, some of these problems could very well be eliminated (I do know that I am more than likely over-simplifying this, weight loss has been an ongoing ordeal for my sister since she was in elementary and junior high school. My mom would have her do all sorts of exercise only to then find packages of Oreos hidden in the top drawer of her dresser).
So now she is going to have surgery to correct her weight loss problems. I think it’s great. And if she can follow through on what she needs to do, I support her 100%.
But for me there is a bigger problem. I need to lose weight. Yes, you out there and myself know I weigh more than I should. But I’ve never weighed more than my sister so if she does this, I HAVE to lose weight.
If you haven’t guessed yet, I am extremely competitive with my sister. I really don’t know why it’s just how it has always been. As the little sister I always looked up to her. She was already in school when I was born as we are 5 years apart. So as she began learning things I wanted to do them too. Only she didn’t view it as “look she wants to be like me” she turned it into an “oh gosh she is smarter than me” and well, I just went along for the ride.
She never realized that she had her own strengths, she was the original writer in the family and that was her place in the world. We both fared the same in Math (we were “okay”) but my world was history and it was not her subject at all.
Not long ago she made a comment to me that from an early age I was determined to be smarter than her and that’s exactly what I did. My sister got good grades, I just wanted to be better, I started doing this at 5 – I really don’t see how it was so deceptive of me – but apparently it was (really, I don’t think it was). And so the competition began.
But as a person who needs a reason to lose weight – I may have found the motivation I need (besides the “I need to lose weight to be a healthier me because I don’t want to get diabetes”. Yes, I know I need to lose weight to be a healthier me, but face it, it’s not the kind of motivation that is going to make me get up and exercise on a daily basis if I don’t feel like doing it). But the possibility of my sister weighing less than me… that is some strong motivation.
So go ahead, tell me I am slime for using this to better myself. Part of me knows I am a horrible human being to do this, but if it makes me a healthier person, is it really that bad?
I lost 35 pounds 5 years ago because I thought I was going to see my ex-boyfriend from high school at my 20th reunion. He didn’t go but at least I had the satisfaction of knowing I looked good if he would have shown up.
Let me know your thoughts… and by all means, be honest if you think I’m am the slime on the back of a slug on the log in the bottom of the sea.